Welling up with the rest - there's ugliness, too. Resentment and anger. Simmering, seething anger at the rest of humankind. But Raven faces it without flinching. She acknowledges this is a part of herself. She is ugly things, too.
It doesn't mean she doesn't love him. And it doesn't mean she doesn't want to comfort him now. Because she does. It doesn't even mean she loves him any less. Her feelings confuse and disorient her, and the root of it is all of that terrible, terrible anger. Anger she's always been afraid of. Not like Erik, who used it. She hid it. She always hides.
This is her. This is all her, and she aches to be loved for it, in spite of it, because of it. Like being loved might take it all away.
Her hand strokes through his hair.
Inside her, there's still that child.
You aren't... afraid of me?
He didn't just help her bury it. Help her hide. He helped her heal. She wouldn't be who she is without him. But she would still be someone. And that was something that she had to know.
And now she tries to tell him, without the words: that the Barge gave her a chance for this. That it hurt him, but maybe it could fix them. And maybe, with that, she could help fix him back. She's starting to believe in this, and it feels strange and foreign and uncomfortable, and gentle and calm, too. She wants to help. She wants to love him again. ]
Re: private
Welling up with the rest - there's ugliness, too. Resentment and anger. Simmering, seething anger at the rest of humankind. But Raven faces it without flinching. She acknowledges this is a part of herself. She is ugly things, too.
It doesn't mean she doesn't love him. And it doesn't mean she doesn't want to comfort him now. Because she does. It doesn't even mean she loves him any less. Her feelings confuse and disorient her, and the root of it is all of that terrible, terrible anger. Anger she's always been afraid of. Not like Erik, who used it. She hid it. She always hides.
This is her. This is all her, and she aches to be loved for it, in spite of it, because of it. Like being loved might take it all away.
Her hand strokes through his hair.
Inside her, there's still that child.
You aren't... afraid of me?
He didn't just help her bury it. Help her hide. He helped her heal. She wouldn't be who she is without him. But she would still be someone. And that was something that she had to know.
And now she tries to tell him, without the words: that the Barge gave her a chance for this. That it hurt him, but maybe it could fix them. And maybe, with that, she could help fix him back. She's starting to believe in this, and it feels strange and foreign and uncomfortable, and gentle and calm, too. She wants to help. She wants to love him again. ]