01st transformation . video . locks for erik & charles

[permutates]

[ She greets the barge with a smile. Her appearance is 'normal' - normal for a human. No blue skin or yellow eyes in sight. ]

Hi. [ And a little wave. She regrets it immediately. That's kind of embarrassing, isn't it? And not something that she should be doing, because she's here for a purpose. ] I'm Raven.

I heard a few of my friends were here, so I thought I'd come… help. I'm a warden.

And I'm here because I really believe that even if you're trapped, you still should have a chance to figure out who you are. I think that's important.

[ locked to Erik ]

Well, you thought I was crazy for trying, but I found you.

[ locked to Charles ]

[ She considered her approach to this for a long time. There are a lot of things that they should probably say to each other, and she's supposed to be responsible here. She can't just avoid him, as much as she wants to, while she gets her head together. ]

You should know that I'm here.

Comments

[permutates]

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad, if he'd -

[Accepted her, as she really was, instead of preferring her the fake way. Needed her back, as much as he apparently needed Erik. She shakes her head.]

I don't know what else to say to explain it.

[fridgetothefire]

You were about to say something.

You don't have to tell me if you don't want. You barely know me, that's fair. But you don't have to lie.

[permutates]

I don't know how. I mean - I don't know what to say. It seems pointless to talk about how it might have been different.

He made me feel like if I wasn't hiding, there was something wrong with me. And he meant it to protect me, but every day it felt like it strangled me a little more.

[fridgetothefire]

Might-have-beens are...kind of a staple around here, actually.

[And then quietly, utterly honest,]

That doesn't sound like love to me.

[permutates]

I know it's not right. That's all I know. Mostly I don't even know whose fault it is.

But I know people can hurt each other even when they care, especially when one is so much more powerful. And I thought that a warden who knows that could maybe be worth something. When I decided to come here.

[fridgetothefire]

I hope you're right.

[And this is sincere, wan smile and all.]

My father...he was powerful, too. But he didn't care. He thought he did, but it wasn't...he didn't see me. He'd do anything to protect his idea of his children, but he didn't listen to us or look at us. It was just selfish, it was about him not losing anyone else, not about us actually being okay. Because we weren't. And he didn't care.

[permutates]

Didn't care or wouldn't see?

[fridgetothefire]

Didn't care, and therefore didn't bother to look.

[She laughs, the kind of rough dry laughter that is a bulwark against other reactions, and has no joy in it.]

Sometimes literally.

[permutates]

Are you angry about it?

[fridgetothefire]

I was, for a long time. I guess I still am. I try not to dwell on him.

[It's...difficult. His fingerprints are baked deep into her clay, and even if she could scrape them all off, she'd have the barge's love of ghosts and reflections to deal with.]

[permutates]

I'm angry a lot. Even times when I know people don't deserve it.

It's - hard.

[fridgetothefire]

I hurt people who didn't deserve it, because I was so angry, and scared.

That's why I'm here.

[She wonders if Raven will find this sympathetic. She means it as a warning.]

[permutates]

I hope I don't do that.

But I can understand why you did.

[She takes it as somewhere in between those two.]

[fridgetothefire]

Do better than hope.

[It's not harsh, just - brusque. Anya is a pragmatist. She raises an eyebrow, lightens it a little.]

You're a role model now, you know.

[permutates]

...that'll take a little getting used to.

[fridgetothefire]

[She smiles a little at that, wan but sweet.]

Good luck.

[permutates]

Thanks.

Do you know anyone else here? Like Alex?

[fridgetothefire]

I've been stuck here for the last seven months. I know pretty much everybody, by face if not interaction.

Alex is a friend, I guess.

[permutates]

He's a good guy.

But you've... probably known him longer than me.

[fridgetothefire]

He taught me how to make hamburgers.

[Yes, he is.]

Are you guys friends?

[permutates]

I think so, but a lot's happened. Maybe not.

If not, I'll miss him.

[fridgetothefire]

Like what?

[She knows enough to put together a very good guess. But there's something real to the sad, uncomprehending curiosity in her voice. Friends are so precious to her. She hadn't been able to cut Junko off for anything less than actual, excruciating murder, and even that they've recovered from, more or less.]

[permutates]

Erik and Charles went their separate ways. I went with Erik. He went with Charles.

That's... two years ago, for both of them, but it's a lot more recent for me.

[fridgetothefire]

What does he want to do, in your world? Erik, I mean.

[permutates]

Charles wanted peace. Erik didn't think it was possible. He wanted to protect mutants first.