3rd transformation . gift spam & text

[permutates]

[ gift spam ]

[ She leaves a few gifts outside doors, after port.

First, for Charles, a Cheshire Cat that she won in an arcade game. They saw Alice in Wonderland for the first time together. Cheshire was always Raven's favorite. She doesn't leave a note. She suspects he'll know it's her.

For Alex, a blue furry monster, from something called Monsters University. It reminds her a little of Hank. This one is an impulse; she just leaves it by his door, unable to think of anything to say in a note.

For Erik, she leaves several vials of metal glitter. This one has a note: Thought you might find this fun. - Mystique ]

[ text ]

Would anyone be willing to teach dancing or gymnastics?

Comments

[Spam]

[permutates]

Anything else is just harder.

[ How she wishes she could just turn off these emotions - anger, betrayal, pain - and just talk about this. But without emotions she never would have gotten herself into this mess in the first place. ]

I didn't say we couldn't be ever close again. I mean if you want to be close again, you have to let me go now.

Why is this so hard this time? Why are you so angry? You let me go when you were injured, and now, two years later, I'm supposed to think you need me more than you did then?

[Spam]

[wedonot]

I did need you then! [That's a shout, because he can't believe this, that this is where the miscommunication was coming from.] I was shot in the back, Raven, I couldn't feel my legs! You have no idea how hard it was to wake up in the hospital and realize I'd never be able to walk again, or run, or stand up or wiggle my toes or anything, and that two people I loved more than anything else were gone, too. And apparently, that they thought I wasn't even worth checking in with to make sure I hadn't died, after you left us stranded with the people who'd just tried to kill all of us. There were months where I was so depressed, I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning, I felt worthless-

[His eyes are wet, and he cuts himself off with a shuddery breath.] Things would have been so much easier if you'd both been there, for all of us.

[Spoilers: this is why Alex was so pissed at you. B(

He rubs his hands over his eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down.]

I told you to leave because you wanted to go. If I'd asked you to stay, you'd just have resented me, because you wanted the chance to go out on your own and make your own choices, which is a good thing. I don't want you to do things just because I'd do them, or Erik would or whatever. That isn't fair. I'm trying to do the same thing here, and all you're doing is telling me how awful I am for doing it, and for doing all sorts of things I've never even considered. All I want is for you to be happy. I don't want you to feel stifled or unloved or like you aren't getting the respect you deserve.

[Spam]

[permutates]

I wanted you to need me.

[ It's sobs, now; she's breathless with the effort of keeping everything back, and her body shakes, tightly. She knew this was wrong; she's reasoned out why it was wrong, that she thought she and Charles were everything. Because she wasn't everything to him. So she has to reach out: she has to become part of the world, because there's nowhere else to go.

But what she wanted, first, above all else, was just Charles. ]

I would have - I never wore the helmet - Cerebro - you could have called, I would have come, all I wanted was for you to need me as much as I needed you.

[ She'd wanted him all to herself. She can't have that, she knows it's not right to want it, it's better to stand up, be strong, be independent, but it's just so hard. ]

[Spam]

[wedonot]

Raven- [He wants to reach out to her, to hold her and comfort her and tell her that everything's going to be okay, and he gets as far as reaching out his hand to her before he drops it. He's not sure how to begin to fix this, and his own anger and frustration and deep sense of loss suddenly feel very far away.]

I do need you. You're my sister, of course I need you. But it's not- it's not healthy to rely on only one person that much. I know we didn't really have the best opportunities growing up, [Money didn't buy you happiness, or parents who loved you, or friends who could understand why there were just some things they could never know about.] but I don't want you to feel like you're nothing without me, because you aren't, and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like that wasn't true. You're capable of so much, and I should have realized I was holding you back. It wasn't intentional.

[Now more than ever, he feels like he's completely failed her. She probably would be better off if he'd just severed the ties, and he looks and sounds defeated.]

I just want you to be happy.

[Spam]

[permutates]

I know, I - I can't, Charles, I have to go.

[ She pulls away abruptly, then, because she can't do it anymore. The flood of her own emotions is overwhelming her. She can't talk about this reasonably, and so she might as well not talk about this at all.

She heads for the greenhouse. ]

[Spam]

[wedonot]

[Part of him wants to stop her. He wishes he could just tell her what she needed to hear, that there was some perfect solution that would just fix this, but there wasn't, and he has to let her go.

It doesn't stop him from feeling sort of hollow, though. There's no denying how much it hurts.]