5th transformation . spam & open video

[permutates]

[ spam ]

[ She's been working herself hard. Maybe too hard: she spends hours a day in the gym, sometimes as many as eight when she's not sleeping. She's read books on how to get in shape quickly and safely - more or less - and she's pushing herself as far as she can go. Trying to find her limits.

Today, she can also be found coming out of the CTS with Kelsier, bruised and mussed and a little bloody, and grinning ear to ear. If you're trying to impress me, it's working, he tells her, and she kisses him on the cheek and flushes bluer and makes her way to the Infirmary to make sure she's got nothing worse than bruises.

She hasn't reached her physical limits yet, but emotional is a different story. Being a child again, with that faith in Charles, has shaken her. Her conversation with Charles before that shook her. And sometimes, even when she's feeling fine - maybe when she's feeling the most fine, paradoxically - she starts crying. And sometimes she can't stop. Tucking herself into a corner of the gardens and trying to muffle the sounds of it so no one catches her at it. It's embarrassing, and she can always eventually manage to pull herself together and make it back to her room. ]

[ video ; open ]

[ Raven is blue, with red hair, not hiding. ]

What's something you've done here, for the first time? Or thought or realized, for the first time.

[ She's not sure what she's looking for. Maybe a little hope. ]

Comments

Video

[burnmythoughts]

I did, but... [Her brow furrows, slightly.] A lot of the time - they were more focused on protecting than helping.

[A wry, grim smile.] That can happen, when you're the only girl. [They got better about it, but there are still frustrating moments.]

Video

[bodilesswarrior]

Basically. [A slight, wry smile.] It wasn't an easy revelation to have, but I think I'm better for it, most days.

[spam]

[youwillgotohell]

[She hesitates a second or two, tips her head in imitation of a shrug.]

Because separating who you are from who you were is difficult.

[Private]

[mistconduct]

It's just that I don't know how comfortable I am with it yet.

[Private]

[permutates]

I know how that feels.

[ More or less. ]

[spam]

[permutates]

...yes. It is. But that doesn't say why you want to know.

[Private]

[mistconduct]

His name's Cassel.

[spam]

[youwillgotohell]

Charles was kind to me when he didn't have to be. And he cares about you. [She doesn't say, and you're making him miserable, but something like judgment ghosts across her face briefly.]

I would kill my brother if I had half the chance. But I don't think you hate him nearly as much.

[Private]

[permutates]

Oh.

[ It's mostly surprise that registers in her face. She honestly hadn't considered it as a possibility. And it's a little weird - but, then, she's got some sort of feeling for Ivy.

So, finally, she thinks: I made an assumption. ]

I assumed. I shouldn't have.

[permutates]

He wanted to wipe out humans.

[spam]

[permutates]

I love him.

spam

[permutates]

Sorry.

I know you're just trying to help.

...why are you trying to help?

Spam

[permutates]

[ She's comfortable. She's not going anywhere. ]

I'm not sure how much better that is.

I mean, better than jail. Obviously it's better than dying.

[ What is she saying ]

video;

[permutates]

You were... okay, though?

private/video

[tolaywaste]

. . . Yeah, true.

Bruce always gave me advice that I just turned around on him, too.

[permutates]

He just said you were a friend.

I'll see you soon?

[spam]

[youwillgotohell]

Maybe you ought to tell him that.

[spam]

[permutates]

You think I haven't?

[Private]

[mistconduct]

...No, I mean. I know it's weird.

[Private]

[permutates]

I'm blue.

We're on a spaceship.

Stuff is weird.

video;

[notdreaming]

I turned out to be bulletproof, so it could have been worse. [ She could be dead! And probably would be, if she hadn't come here. ]

[Private]

[mistconduct]

Tell me about it.

[itstopped]

I... [Yes, he starts to say, but that's straying from his original goal. Loved some of them, too, he almost says instead. Love some of them, present tense. But that's all in the midst of exploding, along with the rest of his personal life, and here it is: this attempt to find meaning in this place with or without them at his side. In the memories he has of them, if nothing else.]

...a few, yes. I mean, most aren't all that good or all that bad, they're just dishonest.

[Private]

[unknownsoldier]

So what have you done that's new?

[Show him yours, he'll show you his..?]

[Private]

[permutates]

...there are also some women here who are. Amazing.