permutates | 01st transformation . video . locks for erik & charles

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01st transformation . video . locks for erik & charles

[ She greets the barge with a smile. Her appearance is 'normal' - normal for a human. No blue skin or yellow eyes in sight. ]

Hi. [ And a little wave. She regrets it immediately. That's kind of embarrassing, isn't it? And not something that she should be doing, because she's here for a purpose. ] I'm Raven.

I heard a few of my friends were here, so I thought I'd come… help. I'm a warden.

And I'm here because I really believe that even if you're trapped, you still should have a chance to figure out who you are. I think that's important.

[ locked to Erik ]

Well, you thought I was crazy for trying, but I found you.

[ locked to Charles ]

[ She considered her approach to this for a long time. There are a lot of things that they should probably say to each other, and she's supposed to be responsible here. She can't just avoid him, as much as she wants to, while she gets her head together. ]

You should know that I'm here.

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Then why didn't I get to?

You had friends, but it was too dangerous for me. You could find a girl in a bar and go home with her, but I couldn't have a beer. You learned so much about genetics and evolution, and I waited tables.

All I had was you. And you always had more.

Then why didn't you say anything? You honestly believe I wouldn't have supported you if you wanted to go to university, or get a different job? And I certainly don't remember putting a ban on you having any interaction with people other than me. I just wanted you to be careful. You can blame me of plenty of things, but you don't have to put words in my mouth.

[And then he chuckles, and it just sounds tired and sad.] And what friends? I didn't have friends. You were the only person I could be completely honest with until Moira showed up, and you know that. I know you don't- [He rubs at the bridge of his nose, trying to find the right way to say this without further enraging her.]

My telepathy isn't something I can just completely switch off, even if I wanted to. Obviously I don't hear everything, but I've spent almost my entire life listening to some people think the worst possible thoughts about others just because they don't like the color of their skin, or what god they worship, or that they're female. Because they're different. And some of those people act on those prejudices, and that's with normal humans, not people who can lift a submarine out of the water, or set things on fire just by snapping their fingers. And just because those people are in the minority doesn't mean they can't do a substantial amount of damage.

I was afraid if you lost control and I wasn't there that someone would hurt you, maybe even kill you, and I couldn't bare to lose you like that. But I never meant to make it seem like you were forbidden from having other friends, or doing what you wanted to with your life.

[He shifts uncomfortably, not sure if she's even going to care about the explanation, or just accuse him of further trampling her.] It's better here, but you might be happy to know that the tables have sort of turned. People like you and Erik and Alex can fit in because it's obvious when they're using their abilities and when they're not, but there are and probably always will be a majority of people who aren't comfortable with or downright loathe telepaths. No one trusts you when they find out you're capable of that.

[He tries not to linger on that point, because she never had. Maybe things would have been easier for them if they did.

He stares at the floor again, because it's easier than looking at her.]

People hate me for what I can do, even though I've given them no reason to beyond the fact that I'm a telepath. I've nearly been killed for it more than once, and it's exactly what I was afraid of, when I was younger. I honestly believe there will come a time where no one will have to hide or feel ashamed of themselves, and that the good will always outnumber the bad, but I know now how it feels to have people hate you for being different and it isn't something I'd wish on anyone.

It wasn't that I thought you'd try to hurt me. [ With telepathy. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, it was - ] I felt so small sometimes. I thought I'd just be swallowed up, in all that is Charles, and there wouldn't be anything left.

[ There was just so much of him, and when she was small, it was all so perfect. Like a fairy tale, and she was rescued by a prince and she became family. She had a beautiful life. And he was good, and true, and kind.

Later, she still knew he was protecting her. But it hurt anyway. ]

You seemed happy, with other people. I never was... I don't like hiding.

And I don't want you to be hurt but maybe... [ Maybe it's better that he knows how she felt, then. He could pass for human, and if anyone had suspicions, he could nudge them right out of their mind. Raven hadn't been afraid of him because he was cruel, but because she was powerless. He was rich, he was a man, he was a telepath; she isn't sure he even knows what it's like to feel powerless.

She drops what she was going to say. ]

You'll convince them. You always do.

[He isn't so sure. He's had this conversation before, and he's seen how people act, and he just knows that he probably won't. He's had more than enough time here, and he knows there's always going to be people who just hate him for being different, even if they're willing to accept other mutants.

And he can tell that there's something else she'd wanted to say, but he really doesn't want to know. Things have been bad enough as is without knowing how she's censoring herself.]

Maybe.

[ A beat of silence. Then: ]

I don't know why you think I don't blame anything on me.

Because from the sound of it, everything that's ever happened to us is my fault.

[It's the easiest way to put it, really.]

My whole life, I always blamed me. I would have said something, otherwise.

I wish you did. Say something, I mean.

[ In a very small voice, after a moment: ]

Me too.

[Again, he wants to go over to her, but he stays where he is, still not sure where they stand with each other, now. They'd both said their pieces, it had more or less been proven that they both had carried too many assumptions about each other, and now here they were.]

So, what now?

I don't know.

Do you want me to leave?

I'm sorry you got hurt.

And if you ever get hurt and don't tell me again, I will be so angry, Charles.

[He manages a small smile, resisting the urge to say that he wasn't sure she'd answered his question.] Alright.

[Which seems like the best segue he's going to get, even though he's not sure he wants to talk about this. But she needs to know, if only because she needs to be ready if it happens again.

He drops his head into his hands briefly, rubbing his forehead as he struggles to figure out how best to put this.]

This place... it isn't easy being here, Raven. There are lots of opportunities to be hurt.

Not like home, where I'm safe.

[ There's a reason she made Azazel teach her. ]

That's not what I meant. Every few weeks, the Barge "makes port" in a different world for a few days, and sometimes, both wardens and inmates are stripped of any supernatural abilities they possess without any prior warning. Not every port is dangerous, but we've been to a few that are, and you're not always guaranteed to have your abilities to fall back on to help you survive.

[He chews at his lip for a moment, wondering how likely it is that Erik will say something, or Alex, whether it comes out carefully or in the heat of the moment. He doesn't want it to be something that's shouted at her, or blurted out against anyone's will, and so long as they're laying it all out on the table... he might as well.] One in particular was especially bad. It was before my spine had been healed, and the ship crash landed on a world that inhabited by a race of hostile aliens called the Vanquish. A vast majority of people on the Barge were kidnapped and tortured, and we had no idea if the people back on the ship would be able to get us out in time. We were there for four days.

["We" meaning he was one of them, and there's a hollowness in his expression and voice that suggests he's actively trying to distance himself from what happened, and doesn't want to talk about the details. It still hurts more than he'd like to admit it does, and while he knows he's always going to have to live with it, he still doesn't want to.]

I'm not going to tell you you should go home, and I'm not telling you this because I want you to be afraid. I want you to be prepared, because God knows I wish someone had warned me about some of this before it happened.

[ A lot happens in two years. She reminds herself of this over and over, stony-faced, as he tells her.

At least he did tell her. ]

But being afraid can be useful, can't it?

[ He's always been the one that tells her about the dangers. That makes her afraid, in a twisted-up way. ]

I'm stronger than you think.

And I'm tired of being afraid. [He hadn't really meant to say it out loud, but it was true. He'd give anything, to go back to before that had happened, and while their most recent port adventure had made him feel more in control of his life than he had in a long time, it didn't erase what had happened.]

Has anyone told you about floods or breaches, yet?

[ And she's been tired of being afraid since before he found her. She resists the urge to tell him congratulations for catching up - it would be mean. ]

Not in detail.

Breaches happen fairly infrequently, and you're effectively swept into the reality of some other universe and think you've lived an entirely different life from the one you're used to. A similar occurrence can happen during ports, but breaches affect everyone, and the Barge itself. Floods are more regular, and they have extremely varied effects. Not everyone is affected, and there's no way to determine who will be or what changes the flood will create before hand. Sometimes you'll find yourself bursting into song for no apparent reason, or everyone will be animals, or think you've lived a completely different life because you never met someone important to you, or you'll swap places with someone from back home. They usually only last a few days.

... I switched placed with you, for a few days last year. I don't remember much of the details, but there will probably be some people who'll recognize you from that.

The Admiral lets this happen?

[ This is a little horrifying to her. ]

[It's horrifying to everyone, Raven. B(]

I don't think he has any control over it. But he's not a very good man to work for regardless.

Edited 2013-07-21 16:49 (UTC)

I didn't think he would be. Not if he can reward that much.

[It's sort of a relief to hear that she's at least got some realistic expectations of how this is going to go, because God knows he hadn't really known what to expect at all when he'd first shown up here.]

You're also very likely to run into people who know some other version of you from their world. From what I've heard, none of us are very much like our counterparts, and it can take people quite a while to warm up to that fact.

How do you know?

That you're not like them.

[ There's a lot in her. Emotions that can take different forms, appear different ways. She could be happy. She could be angry forever. And she could seem like anything. ]

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