permutates | 01st transformation . video . locks for erik & charles

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01st transformation . video . locks for erik & charles

[ She greets the barge with a smile. Her appearance is 'normal' - normal for a human. No blue skin or yellow eyes in sight. ]

Hi. [ And a little wave. She regrets it immediately. That's kind of embarrassing, isn't it? And not something that she should be doing, because she's here for a purpose. ] I'm Raven.

I heard a few of my friends were here, so I thought I'd come… help. I'm a warden.

And I'm here because I really believe that even if you're trapped, you still should have a chance to figure out who you are. I think that's important.

[ locked to Erik ]

Well, you thought I was crazy for trying, but I found you.

[ locked to Charles ]

[ She considered her approach to this for a long time. There are a lot of things that they should probably say to each other, and she's supposed to be responsible here. She can't just avoid him, as much as she wants to, while she gets her head together. ]

You should know that I'm here.

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[ She nods. Can't quite bring herself to say yes. ]

I'm on Level 5. Cabin 14.

[ surprise only a few down from you ]

[He doesn't say anything else in favor of killing the connection and heading down the hall to see her. He hesitates for a long moment in front of her door, abruptly feeling intensely grateful to Sara and the Witchblade again for being able to fix his spine, because that certainly wasn't something he wanted to have to tell her about. It had been bad enough when Erik saw him, when they'd first gotten here. He didn't want to surprise her with that, too.

Finally, he knocks on the door and waits, trying not to chew his lip in anxiety as he does so.]

[ It's because the conversations on the broadcast are still going on that she's blonde when she answers the door. Yes: we'll say that.

The moment she sees him, the emotions that she hasn't been feeling for weeks all crash over her. She knows he wants to hug her, so what does it matter? - She'll beat him to it, and wrap her arms tight around his neck.

It's okay to love him still, she reminds herself, though a traitorous part of her insists that the only thing she should feel is hate. ]

[There are quite a few ways he imagined this going, and this- this is definitely not one of them. He'd thought it would be awkward, or incredibly uncomfortable, or erupt into something genuinely bad, because he's learned a long time ago to prepare for and even expect the worst in situations like this, but instead she's hugging him and he lets out a startled gasp before he's really realized he'd even opened his mouth.

That's not to say he's going to pull away, though. A fraction of a second later, he wraps his arms around her and hugs her back tightly. Maybe a little too tightly, honestly, but it's been over two years since he's seen her in person, and he'd missed her more than he can really put into words. They'd grown apart as they'd gotten older, but she was still his sister, and he still loved her. He always would.

He squeezes his eyes shut, but not fast enough to hide the fact that he's crying a little. Normally, he would have been embarrassed to be standing in the hallway basically in tears, but at the moment he doesn't really care. He doesn't want Raven to be here, because the Barge is ridiculously dangerous and not somewhere he wants anyone he cares about to be, but. After two years, he was just happy to see her.

His throat feels too tight to speak, but he does finally manage to croak something out.]

I've missed you.

You better have. [ And it's muffled, into his shoulder, but true. True through the hate and the love, because one thing she always wants to know is that Charles needs her. Just loving her isn't enough.

She can indulge in this, now. Pretend that her leaving was the worst thing that ever happened to him. (Even though she knows there's probably something else. There always is.) ]

If it really has been two years.

[In this case, "something else" is probably all the trauma he's been through since getting here, and it's still strange, to realize he's got more than just the scars on his back now, marking him as a different person. He can't ever go back to being the person he was before the Vanquish, before the Overlook, before feeling his best friend die, before realizing to what lengths he'd go to protect the people he loved.

He misses the person he was before, sometimes. Most of the time, really, because everything had seemed easier before this had all happened. And there's really no question in his mind that going through all of it would have been easier if she'd been there to lean on and keep optimistic for. He's sort of not sure how honest he wants to be about what's happened, wondering if she'll notice and what she'll think when she does.

He chokes out a laugh.]

It's been a very long two years.

[ Only been two months for her. She can't imagine where she would have been, two years from now. Maybe she would've wanted to go back to Charles by then. Maybe -

But she can't wish herself that far along. She is who she is. She can't be anyone else.

She pulls back, to look him firmly in the eye. ] You'll tell me about it.

[He hesitates a little. It had been easy to tell Alex about it, because he'd wanted to warn him about how bad this place was, but considering how he'd reacted... he was scared of how she would. He didn't want to be broken, and he didn't want to advertise it, but he wants to start off on the right foot with her, and avoiding the truth won't be doing anyone any favors.

Still.

He nods briefly, not looking her in the eyes.] Alright.

[He wipes his wrist over his eyes briefly and draws a breath, feeling sort of embarrassed. When he's finished, he does finally meet her gaze again, feeling sort of unsure, because he wants to say it, wants to let her know he doesn't mind, that he approves, that he's sorry for stifling her, but he doesn't want her to take it the wrong way.]

You don't have to hide here, Raven. You can be yourself.

[ A little, awkward laugh - ] You don't have to right now.

[ How is it so easy to talk to him? She wonders if this is betraying herself.

Her face goes a little stony when he says that, though she can't say why, exactly. She can't even really say why she picked this face for the broadcast. For opening the door to Charles. ]

Ivy said that.

[He drops the subject for the time being, even though there's a part of him that's saying it might be better to get it out of the way now and not during a truth flood where he's spilling out every detail of what it had been like to feel the gunshot, to feel Erik one second and then gone the next, to find his friend's body and know there was nothing he could do, that Erik was gone and might never come back.

So he just tries to smile a little, maybe encouragingly, maybe just sort of shyly, because he doesn't know how she's changed, either. Not really.]

It's true. No one has to hide here. For all the things I wish I could change about this place, I'm glad we have that.

Well - [ She steps aside, a little. ] Come in?

[ The room is generic. A hotel room. Not her room from the mansion, not anyplace she's lived since then. She doesn't want something that just reminds her of somewhere else. ]

[He steps inside, and doesn't comment on the room. He knows she doesn't think of the mansion as home, and probably not the flat they'd lived in in Oxford anymore, either, and it hurts, but he doesn't say anything.

She still hasn't changed, and he doesn't know if he should repeat that it's okay, that he wants her to do what she's comfortable with, so he just keeps his mouth shut.]

I'm not really sure where to start. [He finally admits, feeling more than a little awkward. It's been a long time, and he's missed her desperately, but he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't want to do the wrong thing.]

[ She hasn't changed yet and she doesn't plan to. This is a defense. It's a second skin, less permeable than her own. ]

Why did you come here?

[ Seems as good of a place as any to start the story. ]

Edited 2013-07-20 03:19 (UTC)

[It's more like the worst possible place for Charles, and he tries not to look too uncomfortable or pained. He's still torn between being honest and glossing over the painful things, but again he's reminded that he'd rather have control over when she found out. He's still got the scars, he's still got the wheelchairs, and those could be hidden, but he couldn't stop himself from blurting it out during a flood.

He finally sighs and gestures to a chair.]

May I sit down?

Yeah.

[ There's a table with a couple of chairs. By the window, there are two armchairs. There's also a bed.

She doesn't indicate which he should pick. ]

[He picks one of the chairs at the table, although he pulls it out so that when he sits, he can balance his elbows on his thighs and clasp his hands in front of him. He doesn't really look up at her for a long moment, and stays focused on a patch of floor when he does take a deep breath and just. Attempt to start telling the truth.]

After I was shot, [And now there's no turning back, even though he wishes he could come up with something else to say.] I was taken back to an American hospital, where they told me the bullet had partially severed my spinal chord, and I'd never walk again. [And he can still remember the desperation that had come along with the announcement, even though he'd known how unlikely it was for him to ever regain feeling after he'd realized what happened.]

It took a long time to recover and learn how to live my life again, [Months, really, full of severe depression and bruises and scrapes from slipping and just forgetting that he couldn't really feel anything below his waist anymore.] But I didn't want it to be permanent. The Admiral offered me a chance to change it, and I took it.

Erik and I arrived on the same day. I didn't know that he'd be here, and I hadn't seen him since... since you both left. [He's not judging, he'd told her she should go, because he knew asking them to stay would have made things worse for everyone.] We've been here ever since. One of the other wardens was able to fix the damage to my spine after I'd been here for about nine months, and I changed my deal to something else.

[ She doesn't register it, for a long moment. He just says it, and it didn't even occur to her - she didn't think - why would he have told them to go if he was seriously injured? That means he wasn't seriously injured. It couldn't have been the bullet on the shore in Cuba.

Could it?

And it clicks, suddenly and horribly, and she sits down hard on the edge of the bed. ]

[He doesn't look up, but he hears it, and he wants to reach out to her, brush his mind against hers and reassure her that it was alright. But he doesn't, because he'd promised her he wouldn't.]

I'd rather you hear it from me than someone else. [He sounds tired and resigned, because he feels terrible, but. It's behind him. It's behind all of them.]

[ He told her the truth.

That's something, anyway. The truth, even though it hurt. ]

Why did you let us go?

[ They could have helped. ]

[That's something he's never been asked before, and he looks up finally, staring at her and remembering what it had been like on the beach. It was hard to believe he hadn't seen her since then.]

Neither one of you wanted to stay. I didn't want you to just because you felt guilty.

[You're not the only one who felt like they weren't needed or loved.]

We didn't have to leave right then! Azazel could have taken you anywhere. He would have.

[ Especially knowing Shaw's attitude towards mutants - all mutants, whether they fight him or not. ]

[Don't talk about Shaw. B(]

Raven, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm not angry with you about it.

But we could have helped you.

[He bites the inside of his cheek, refuses to let himself ask "then why didn't you come back?" because he'd needed their help after everything, and he'd missed them more than he felt like he should have. He didn't want to accuse her, didn't want to make it sound like he wanted her to stay with him even if she was unhappy, because he doesn't, and he never did, but it still hurt. It still hurts to think that Erik left him there, too, even after everything they'd gotten over and apologized for.]

Why did you decide to come? [Because changing the subject is just all around safer. B(]

Because - [ And she looks away. Because she doesn't trust him.

He told her the truth. Is it cruelty or fairness to tell him the truth back? ]

Because sometimes you swallow people up. And I didn't want that to happen to Erik.

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